THE PEER PRESSURE PLUNGE

by Byron Flitsch

When you’re not in a relationship and you’d ideally like to be in a relationship and all your closest friends are in relationships, there comes particular time when you feel even more like jumping off a bridge: at weddings.

“I would have never picked these flowers!” Cait says to me while downing her third glass of champagne. We’re at a friend of hers’ wedding at W Hotel that looked like it fell out of a modern day romantic comedy. I, of course, was her stand-in wedding date since her break-up from Matt— a seven year “when are WE going to get married” relationship that ended up with him moving to Cincinnati to manage some unknown sports team and, well, left Cait taking other people’s half empty champagne glasses off their place settings.

“Well, of course not!” I mimic her while peeling her fingers off of the flute that actually belonged to another guest. “You are much better than these amazing purple orchids!”

“Shove it, Byron. I don’t even know why we came to this wedding. She’s just a co-worker. It’s not even like I know her. She makes my copies. Copy Girl gets married! Ohhhhh, how romantic!” Cait takes my champagne flute and downs the rest of its contents.

“Listen. We can finish our seventy-five-dollar-a-plate dinner and jet before dancing. Just don’t do or say anything… bad.”

But that, of course, didn’t happen.

A half hour later, Cait is sobbing on the shoulder of some uncle of Copy Girl’s chanting with an expensive bubbly slur: Why not me? Why not me? I want what everyone else is getting!

As we get older, we learn that doing what’s right for ourselves is more important than following the crowd. It’s like our parents use to say: Well, if all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? As much as we despised what it meant, we learned we don’t need to be followers. As we get older, we also think that we grow out of peer pressure, but what really happens? It gets worse. We compare ourselves to those that have the things we think we should have: marriages, money, cars, children, trips, and lifestyles. When we don’t have it, we feel like we don’t belong and get fired up about it.

Are we burning our own bridges?

A few months later I was attending another wedding, my best friend’s. It was an intimate affair of only forty friends at an adorable bakery in Wicker Park.

While chatting with friends before the ceremony, I realized that we were all the same age; I was the only one without even a potential partner in sight. They began excitedly discussing possible wedding bells in their futures while I just nodded and smiled wondering how I could escape the conversation. As I excused myself and grabbed a glass of wine, I noticed that I began turning in to Cait. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t I get what everyone else had? As I downed the glass of red and headed in to the room where the ceremony was being held, I felt sorry for myself. I had officially fallen in to peer pressure. In my head I began to chant: I want to be like everyone else!

“We are here to witness the combining of two people that have chosen to share the rest of their lives.” The officiator recited at the beginning of the ceremony. Jeff and his wife were looking in to each other’s eyes while smiling. “This is that start of the rest of their lives…”

And that’s when I realized it. I have the rest of my life to find someone. What I should be doing is having fun while finding that person. Why wear yourself out looking for something just to keep up with everyone else? Life is different for everyone. Paces are different for everyone.

Because maybe some of us aren’t meant to have what everyone else seems to be getting. Or maybe some of us are meant to take different paths with longer bridges that will eventually get us all to the same place.

If that’s true, am I going to be OK with this?

I guess I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com