TEXTUAL FEELING

by Byron Flitsch

“ U want 2 do dinner 2nite?” Reads the text Mark shows me while we’re waiting in line at the quiet post office. I’m sending off a long overdue wedding gift and he just got asked out on a first date… via text.

“Wait, he asked you out on a first date through a text message?” I whisper-yell to him in line. A woman wearing a puffy down coat turns around to look at us. She smells like Pine-Sol.

“Yeah… why?” Mark asks feverishly texting an answer with a giant smile.

“Well, you guys just met the other night. Wouldn’t you prefer at least a phone call? I mean, shouldn’t first dates be verbal?” I say in an even quieter whisper.

“A date’s a date. Who cares how it happens.” He says showing me a new text. It reads: “Gr8. C u then.”

“ I don’t know. I guess I would prefer hearing words when asking for my time over abbreviations and sent happy faces. It’s sexier… it’s sweeter… it’s more romantic. You can hear emotion in their voice. It’s thoughtful. It’s just more human.” I say as we inch another few steps in line.

“Um, Byron, it’s two-thousand-nine. People are barely human when it comes to communicating. Um, Facebook? Twitter? Email! Plus, it’s easier for the rejection. Text or email rejection is so much easier to handle than someone saying it to your face.”

“It’s braver, though.” I say while shifting the heavy wedding gift in my arms.

“What do you want as an invitation for a first date? A love letter?”

“Wouldn’t hurt. Plus I could see how good their handwriting is.” I say while winking.

“God, you’re so high-maintenance. No one does that stuff anymore.”

We are all guilty of depending on technology. You have Wii instead of playing actual sports. You have Evite instead of handwriting invitations. You have your iphone instead of, well, iphone does everything. These technologies make it easier for us to get things done in shorter time and at a convenience. That’s a good thing. In most cases, it’s a better thing. Who wants to have to a phonebook when you can Google a local pizza place in four seconds? Who wants to have to yell in to a phone while trying to find someone at a concert?

Are some of us asking too much, though, when we do want a little more? Is it wrong to at least want a phone call to be asked on a first date instead of a quick text? Or like how technology removes strain out of normally tedious tasks, should we stop being so high-maintenance?

There are certain moments in our lives where we should play human and not robot. When it comes to matters of relationships, when do we byte the bullet and stop depending on instant technology?

That day I had a few conversations with others about texting. I found that people had varying opinions. I also found that some people enjoy text sex, that breaking up over text is the worse possible thing you could ever do and the one thing that my high school teacher friend told me:

“The kids, during class, will text flirt with each other! Remember when we used to pass notes? No one does that, now! They don’t even talk to each other before class. They use their phones! What happen to passing notes! ‘Do you like me? Check yes or no’ You know?”

Later that night, I dug out an old Converse shoebox from the back of my closet. Inside were literally hundreds of college ruled folded handwritten notes that I had saved from high school… from all of my old girlfriends (ahem). I’m one of those guys that keeps every note or card. It’s a sentimental thing.

As I unfolded and read some of the curly girly handwriting in purple ink, I realized what it really was that bothered me about technology. Time. It saves us time. Which is great in some aspects of life, but one of the best feelings is knowing that someone took the time to think of me. Sure, whipping your fingers on a keypad takes a moment and the motivation to do so takes a second, but nothing adds up more than setting aside time to sit down and risking all nerves to make that awkward and exciting first date phone call. Given, talking on a phone is technically technology… but there’s voice. There’s connection. It’s not instant.

In love, true connection takes time and unlike technology, relationships aren’t instant. Maybe I run on an older version of love. Maybe my programming needs an upgrade. Or maybe I’m the kind of guy that needs more than just textual feelings.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com