RELATIONSHIPS IN THE ROUGH

by Byron Flitsch 

“Look at that one!” Rachel points to a diamond set in a tacky yellow gold band.

We’re window-shopping on one of those unusual warm Chicago February days. It’s what we do when we both know that our wallets should stay out of hands and eyes should do the spending. While on our way to one of our favorite clothing stores, we stumble upon a pawnshop. It’s one of those places you’d walk by daily and never notice. But today, we decided to stop and actually check out the merchandise: peoples’ old wedding rings.

“No wonder she divorced him!” I joke as I point at the pear shape cut. I’m not a jeweler at any means, but a guy can have taste. “That thing is tacky!”

“That one looks like a pasted sequin on the band. Is that even a real diamond?” Rachel scoffs.

For a few minutes, we imagine what kind of job a guy had that bought each ring. If it was gaudy and extravagant, he was clearly an accountant with no taste. If it was tiny and quiet, he was clearly a cheapskate.

Then a sudden wave of guilt fell over me. “Hey, Rachel, do you think it’s, you know, wrong to be making fun of people’s past mistakes? I mean… these used to be people’s wedding rings! Are we totally throwing off our karma?”

We stare at each other for a second, simultaneously bite our lips and then silently continue heading towards the store feeling guilty for what we had just discovered. We both have had our fair share of flawed relationship accessories to adorn if not in ring form, than in definite emotional form.

Diamonds are almost a perfect metaphor for relationships. See, the process of a diamond being created is much like the building of a solid relationship. First, it takes just the right conditions for a diamond to form. Over years, that process chisels and chemically combines atoms to finally create a solid priceless stone that’s indestructible and lasts forever. Much like diamonds, solid relationships take years and the right conditions to truly be just as priceless.

But just because diamonds are forever, doesn’t mean a relationship is.

Later that night I sit in my walk-in closet going through old photographs. Tucked in a white box on a back shelf is an entire collection of pictures from my last serious relationship. It was four years of my life filed away in photos of vacations, random nights out on the town, and of those private moments when it was just the two of us on a picnic in the middle of nowhere.

“I’m doing it, again.” I say to Jeff the moment he picks up my call. It’s what I do when I have those occasional “regret” feelings. You know, the ones where you just sort of miss the past and question whether the decisions you made were the right ones. It’s like window-shopping through my past.

Jeff, being the good friend he is, knows how to talk me off the ledge and plays the “Remember when he…” game. It’s a game he designed to remind me of the reasons why the relationship didn’t work out. It usually never fails.

“But, maybe he was good enough. Maybe I’m the one with the flaw.”

“Where is this coming from all of the sudden?” Jeff asks.

“There were these wedding rings at a pawn shop and I was making fun of them and then it hit me that maybe I gave away something that was good enough…”

“Good enough, Byron? Really? That doesn’t seem like you.” Jeff says bluntly.

“Well...”

“Byron, you deserve the real thing. Not some “looks real from the outside” kind of thing. You know that.”

As we say goodnight, I put the photos back in to the box and crawled in to bed. Jeff was right. Sometimes we are blinded by something shiny and often forget to take a closer look. Are there too many flaws that will bring the value of the relationship down? Is clarity an issue and you aren’t seeing each other eye to eye? Maybe, to the naked eye, it looks like it might be the real thing, but under a trained eye you could see the fakeness?

Perhaps diamonds are a lot more like relationships than we think. In the end, we need to learn how to spot the real gems from the fakes.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com