cartoon by Neal Obermeyer

By Byron Flitsch

There are times in life when we’re reminded we’re alone. Usually, they’re mutually exclusive with the times we don’t want to be reminded we’re alone.

“Sorry, it’s a two entrée minimum for delivery.” The girl says on the phone one night while trying to order dinner from my favorite Thai place.

It’s in those moments where we often try to defend why we’re single.

“But, I’ll pay for delivery! I’m the only one here! I only need one entrée!” I say exasperatedly back.

“Sorry, that’s our new policy. Maybe you could order two entrees and save one?” She says frustrated.

It’s usually in those moments where we take it out on the wrong people.

“Maybe, then, I don’t want anything at all!” I say hanging up the phone.

“Do you think they’ll remember me?” I ask my friend Rachel while we’re scanning magazines at the bookstore a few days later. I admittedly start the Thai story with a ‘I may have overacted’ clause. “They have, like, the best pad sew ewe.”

“Well, why did you act that way? I thought you were cool with being single right now.” She says paging through a British magazine.

“I am! I really am! I mean, it’s good right now… it just bugged me, you know?”

“Why? I don’t get it.”

“OK, it’s because I want a dog.” I say putting back the French version of GQ.

“Uh, so… get a dog, dude.”

“It’s not that. My friend Marissa posted these pictures online of their new puppy and baby after her wedding and I was like: I want a baby and dog when I’m married and then I was like: If I’m ever really allowed to get married! Lately, I have been getting frustrated at all these stupid people and their stupid perspectives.”

“Oh, so you’re really just pissed at Miss California, right?” Rachel laughs.

“Yeah… well, it just recently hit me, people and their rules. I mean, it’s hard enough to be single, right? It’s even harder to keep that someone we finally do find. It’s worse when we’re told we can’t be with someone, you know, because they’re a different religion, color or because some book says it’s not right for two people of the same sex to have the same thing everyone else’s allowed. It’s getting old, Rachel! It’s two thousand and nine and we are dealing with nineteen hundred and nine mentality! Plus, it’s making me take out my aggression on adorable Thai take-out places… I… I’m… losing my…”

“Byron, breathe!” Rachel screeches.

“We need new rules.” I say sighing.

“Well, here’s a new rule: Break the rules.” Rachel says while poking at my chest.

The game of love is hard enough. You’ve got your cat and mouse, your ‘he’s just not that in to you’ and your guys that say they’re straight, but are really gay.” When you do finally find “that one” you want to hold on to him or her. But, what if you couldn’t? What if in the game came so close to winning, but because of the rules, would always make you the loser? Shouldn’t rules be fair for all players or do we need to cheat?

Are rules really meant to be broken?

“I would like an order of Pad Sew Ewe delivered, please.” I attempt to order again that evening on phone. It was a different girl’s voice.

“I’m sorry, for delivery it’s a two…”

“OK… so… what do I have to do to get a delivery here. I’m tired… it’s late… this new policy makes me have to either order two of something or walk all the way to your place to pick it up… I mean, I get what you’re doing… I know why it’s better for you guys to have this rule, but what about the people who don’t need two entrées? You know? Single people? Or people who are just hungry alone… or…”

“To be honest, I think it’s a stupid rule, too… I totally get it. How about if you’re willing to tip the driver a little more, I could bend the rules and have it delivered.”

“Really?” I say trying not to sound too surprised that it had worked this time around.

“Sure, what’s the address?” She asks.

Sometimes to get what we want we have to remain persistent. We have to understand that winning isn’t easy. While winning some things come naturally for some, like marriage for straight couples, others have to work hard for their victories—really hard. Sometimes we have to break the rules… sometimes we have to make new ones.

Let’s make this new rule: We’re in this to win this.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com