by Byron Flitsch

“Now, slowly roll your hips back in to Halasana Pose.” The yoga instructor calmly demands while showing the class her legs bending over her head with toes firmly touching the ground.

My friend Elle and I are in a yoga class. She invited me because I had mentioned how overwhelmed I’d been with work and with a particular guy situation.

“I can’t do that.” I whisper to her while she wiggles her butt in the air trying to mimic the instructor.

“Well, at least try it.” She says quietly giggling. She has one of those giggles that sounds like she’s a thirteen-year-old in a twenty-six-year old body.

I raise my legs in the air carefully trying to balance my weight on my back. I peer around the exposed brick room to see everyone else. Some are in the proper position while others are struggling. Some aren’t even trying. As I try to bend my hips over my chest, I flop on my side making a giant slapping sound on the hardwood floor. Ok, so I didn’t really try that hard.

After class, Elle and I head to get some sushi at a little corner joint where their spicy tuna rolls are bigger than fists.

“I’m usually really good at being flexible.’’ I say while sipping on my Miso Soup.

“Uhuh…” She says sarcastically.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask while whipping my face full of soup.

“Well, maybe you’re not as flexible as you thought.” She says with her dark hair in a ponytail and perfectly applied make-up. She doesn’t look like she was just in a two-hour class.

“Well, I mean, I used to be a diver…”

“No… Ok, I was talking more metaphorically…”

“Oh… wait… huh?”

“OK. So you know how you weren’t even going to try that pose, right? You automatically knew it was something you weren’t going to ace… it was risky, and this is why I love you, you like being good at everything. Sometimes, when you know it’s something that’s going to scare you, you sorta just give it a half-ass try or not try at all so you don’t look like a failure…. you do that with guys too. You know you’re doing that with your new guy, right?”

I sit in silence with my chopsticks in hand. She wasn’t stretching the truth.

When we’re young, we’re taught to play well with others, to cooperate, and to give our best. Like fresh Play-Doh, we should be moldable and flexible. We’re willing to squish ourselves thin because we’re soft and bounce back from failures quicker. As we get older, though, we become hard. Whether it’s from many disappointments from a particular career or the ever more common heartbreaks in relationships; we lose that elasticity. We often equate strength with the hardness that comes from reality.

What if, though, we’re offered something that’s all we’ve ever wanted, but might be a challenge to succeed in? In yoga, it’s Zen and self-discovery through challenging physical maneuvers. In life, it’s love and the risk of putting ourselves in positions we aren’t too comfortable with, but believe will better us in the end.

Do we bend over backwards for something we know will make us stronger while risking a pulled muscle—the muscle of the heart?

A few days later Elle and I meet up at the yoga studio. I’m still sore form some of the beginner poses.

“I thought we’d just do basic yoga. Something that’s not too challenging for us…”

“Wait… something that’s easier than last time?” I snap while watching her pull out her yoga mat. “Um, no. We’re taking that same class.” I say as I walk past Elle with a “take-that” in my step.

That afternoon I attempted that same yoga pose. I fell on my side twice. I pulled a muscle. It hurts right this second, but I’m going back to do it again because I can see a difference in each try. And one of the best feelings is seeing a new evolved more flexible you. I’m talking in yoga and I’m talking about in dating.

We have to keep stretching or we’ll never be able to reach what we truly want.  

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com