Relationships are a lot like multiple-choice quizzes. Pick the wrong choice, and you may just fail.

“He just doesn’t get it. I’m don’t think I can forgive him.” Brett tells me this while we split a pack of licorice in the movie theater. The room is practically empty and the movie doesn’t start for another ten minutes. My goal was to get his mind off of his boyfriend’s “choice” to fling with some random guy, but I wasn’t succeeding.


“What does he say about it?” I ask while chopping in to a piece of licorice. I have my legs pressed against the chair in front of me, but I’m looking right in to Brett’s eyes. He has hurt all over his face.

“He says he made a mistake. It was an accident. He will never do it again… you know, the whole ‘I’m a bad person trying to crawl back to you’ thing. I just don’t think it’s true. I don’t think people are really sorry for their mistakes. I think they say it because they want it all to go away and forgotten. It’s never forgotten.”

“Well, maybe he really is sorry. He’s never done this before and you love each other a lot? Maybe he made one mistake?” I ask not sure if I even agreed with what I was saying.

“Nope. I think certain mistakes define you as a person. If you do something once that is catastrophic enough, that comes from somewhere… it comes from your character. He had options. He could have walked away. He could have said no. He could have said he had someone he already loved… he chose the wrong answer. He failed.”

“Aren’t we supposed to learn from our poor choices and change for the better?” I ask as the lights in the theater go dim. I wasn’t saying that Brett should get back together with him, but to write off something after eight years… well, it seemed harsh.

“People never really learn, Byron.” Brett snaps while biting his lip.

As the previews began and a bitter Brett took a giant swig from our shared Diet Coke, I starred straight in to the dark fearing who I was based off my life’s mistakes and if I were being graded on “Relationships 101”, would I pass or fail?

When we’re young, we think the only tests we’ll have to take will be in school. As we get older, though, we realize that the options that we’re given in life all have multiple answers—some are more wrong than right. Just like the wrong answers on an exam, we’re supposed to learn from our mistakes and try better next time to make the grade. But, in love, wrong answers don’t just lead to a bad grade… they lead to broken hearts, pain, insecurity, and resentment.

When it comes to dealing with wrong choices in a relationship do we: a) forgive b) forget c) offer a redo or d) fail forever?

“I made a few bad choices when it came to dealing with, you know, him … does that mean I will always be that person?” I ask Anna while she blows on her fingernails she’s filing while sitting on my couch. Him was referring to a guy from this past winter that I was enamored with, but chose the wrong answer to a very tough question.

“Um, no, Byron. That makes you human.”

“Of course! Look at you! You’ve made tons of mistakes and you’re OK! You’ve got an amazing relationship.” I say while clapping and instantaneously realizing that that didn’t come out the way I wanted.

“Thanks” Anna winks. “We’ve all picked the wrong answer at one time or another. Who hasn’t? Sure, when it comes to emotions in relationships, those choices are going to seem worse, but I’ve learned who I am through them. That’s also part of being human. That’s how we learn.“

She made complete sense. We’re always learning, but we often learn more when we fail.

Relationships are like tests. Some topics come easy to us so we may not need to study. Others, though, are like that subject in high school you just couldn’t grasp and had to invest more time. In the end, no matter the grade you get, it’s as long as you know you’ve tried your hardest and learned something that matters the most.

You only fail if you pass on the experience.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com