by Byron Flitsch

“It’s…well …it’s cancer.” My mom tells me over the phone a few weeks ago while I drop my latest Netflix in to the mailbox. The weather is sunny and warm, but suddenly all feels cold. “And we aren’t sure how long your grandma has…” I fade my mom’s voice out while I try to catch my breath leaning against a brick wall in the nearest alley I could find.

“This is just so unexpected… you know?” I tell my good friend Rachel while sitting on the front stoop of her apartment building wiping my cheeks dry. I walked all the way to her house to be with someone who knew me well enough to not just pat me on the back and tell me it’s OK.

“It makes you put things in perspective,” Rachel says while we watch people pass by. “It’s stupid how we’re so petty.”

“Yeah, like judging people who wear really bad tapered jeans.” I say under my breath watching a guy wearing the jeans walk past. I sniff while we both laugh. I was trying to lighten the mood.

“Well, that, and stuff with people. I just got in a fight with Greg… about, well about him not paying for half the groceries when it was really about him not proposing to me yet…” Rachel says while shaking her head. Greg and Rachel have been dating for years. They’re practically married. Well, they act like it. “I feel awful. I love him and just don’t get what we’re waiting for. ”

“It has me thinking about timing. Like, how so many of us wait to say or do the things we know we want to do, but really don’t know if we actually have the opportunity. We just assume we will. We think we have all this time and there’s a right moment for everything…” I say tapering off.

“Like asking Greg to marry me instead of waiting for him…” Rachel says out of nowhere.

“Like… saying I love you to Adam even if I’m scared he might not say it back.” I respond instantly.

“ So what are we waiting for?” Rachel whispers.

Rachel and I sit in silence while watching a car attempt to parallel-park in front of her building.

When we’re kids life seems so long. The things you want to last forever (summer!) fly by and the stuff you dread (school!) seem to drag on. It’s that dragging that makes it seem like we have all the time in the world. But what if that time is replaced with an unexpected deadline? Say you woke up one morning and only had a few months to live. What would you say or do that you normally wouldn’t? What in hell are you waiting for?

What do we expect when we sit around and wait for the unexpected?

It was that weekend where I planned to drop the big “L” word to Adam. I mean, we had been dating for a couple of months and it was nothing I had ever felt more strongly about. Life is too short for the “what ifs”. I was ready to say I love you… and was prepared for all the possibilities.

But I wasn’t expecting him to say it first.

“I love you, Byron,” Adam says as we’re walking down a tree-line street on a sunny summer day. “It was something I wanted to say for awhile. I just was waiting for the perfect timing.” The sun bounced off his aviator glasses as he smiled.

I didn’t say that I was going to tell him the same thing before he mentioned it. I didn’t say I didn’t expect him to say that at all. I didn’t say it was one of the best surprises I’ve had in a long time. What I did say was: I love you, too.

See, that’s the thing about life. Sometimes we forget that the unexpected can be a good thing.

Whether it’s something tragic or beautiful, the moments that suddenly appear out of nowhere are there to keep us on our toes. They’re to remind us that time is always two steps ahead of us no matter how much on our toes we think we are.

The unexpected should teach us on how to increase our own expectations. Losing someone suddenly should remind you of what you really want. Loving somebody should remind you how lucky you are to live.

And it’s discovering that luck that should be the best surprise of all.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: When Byron Flitsch isn't pondering the art of relationships, buying magazines he'll never get time to read, traveling without maps, and discussing the meaning of life over a cocktail, he is a freelance writer. He's been published in The Advocate, New City, Gay Chicago, and a variety of print/online publications. You can spy on Byron properly at his website: www.byronflitsch.com