Dudes: Bored of dating people you have anything in common with? Need a way to spend your cash but already have nice watches on both wrists?

Trixies: Do you hit the clubs tired from a long day of making an honest wage? Sick of paying rent for a bedroom in Lincoln Park you rarely sleep in?

Finally! A solution! This Thursday Date & Dash is hosting an “Older Men / Younger Women” party at Xippo. It’s a speed-dating evening that’s going to cost the guys $40 to get in (but what’s that to you, baller?), and will cost the gals $1 (just steal it from Karen’s laundry fund jar). Here’s the rules:

• Guys have to be 35 to 50.
• Girls have to be 21 to 30.
• Anyone between 30 to 35 is not wealthy and/or young enough.
• Dress is "business casual," as it’s better if we all acknowledge this is a mutually beneficial financial transaction.

Cougars and cougar-hunters? Don’t feel left out; your party’s next month at Déjà vu. – Brian Howe Battle